Well it has finally happened. . .I am home. I am finally home and not stressed at all. I am calm and happy for more reasons then just purely the fact that I am home. It is a strange feeling. I feel like something is better, and at the same time I know exactuly what it is and why I shouldn't be feeling like this. . .well sort of . . I don't know exactly what I am trying to say. So I am home but I wish horribly that I was still in Seattle. I miss my friends there really badly. . . and there are so much drama here. My family is knots and twists with the valdez family because of little stuff that has just built up. Everyone wants to talk and no one listens over here. So that is all I have been doing. Listening to pent up emotion from all parties. I am okay with that. I feel like I am finally giving them an outlet. . . I don't know . . . I am just glad that I can help because I can feel the lines smoothing slowly. Like they don't really know how to keep themselves in check. . .like I haven't been doing it so it isn't nearly as good as it was. . .I don't know I am not really sure though. It will all be good by the end of summer. I can feel that for sure. I feel like everything really will actually work its self out.
You know I have been telling myself things like, it is all good, no worries, if it happens it happens, wait, good things will happen in time. . . things like that, for a very long time. I have told myself things like that for a very long time. Yet when I was about to give up hope. . . look at what happens. I finally get pulled in the direction I was heading the whole time. I was just losing sight of it. What I am talking about is that my life, my heart are finally being taken care of in a way that I didn't think possible. . . I have a boyfriend and that sort of chokes me up saying it, or even thinking it. I have a really beautiful and amazing boyfriend. His name is Jon and he is in all the same situations as I was. I really do believe in fate and distany now. There were so many times that we almost met. Our friends over lab, and our events that we went to . . . everything just was off. I don't know it was odd. . . I can count many times where we almost met. . . Yet here we are. . boyfriends now. Starting summer and our relationship away from eachother. We had a week togeather and now three months apart. I think this is how it is ment to happen. I don't know I just see it all now in a better way. I feel stronger. I love all the love that you guys give me, but it can't be something like a lover's love. I see the difference. I know I more then likely sound silly and young right now but in all perposes. . .I really am. Here I am 19 years old and with my first boyfriend. I don't know . . . hummm. . . yeah. . . interesting feeling. I feel like my heart would burst the cage I put it into right now. I locked it way away because I didn't want it to be hurt. I didn't know how very buried my heart really was. I am seeing it now and I am sorry that i haven't been the real me. I just needed a boost and now I have it. ..and hopefully I will have it for awhile. . . but sadly I am already starting to brase myself for the fall. I guess it is just habit. It is bound to happen. I can't fly this high for this long. It has only been a week of bliss and I am already expecting the worst. . . I don't know I feel like I can't keep the attention of someone for very long romantically. I wish I could. . . humm. . .yeah . . .but I think he is going to be AMAZING or me. . . to know that fianlly someone wants to invest themselves into me in the same way I want to invest myself into them. . . humm. . yeah just a strange feeling. A good one. . .but strange. You know the amazing part though. He has never had a boyfriend, I was his first kiss even. . . I don't know he really is . . .just as young as I am in all senses. So I feel like we are going to grow a lot togeather. And that is something that I feel like I will never forget. I feel that even if this never worked out in the long run that we can teach eachother something important. . . I hope we can atleast. Yeah. . well I am going to go to bed more then likely with the butterflies in my tummy. . . yeah. . . just a good feeling. . .you are right Kim. . I feel more wood then I have ever before. I didn't know what you ment before. I had an idea but even other people are noticing the difference in me. . . it is a good feeling. Like he is all I really needed. . . Yeah. . . hummm. . .but you know what. . .butterflies were not at the start. . .they had to grow. . that is why I think that this might work. There is TONS of room for growth in us and we see that. . . yeah no sure though. Anyway LOVES babes!! . . woot woot. . .
For once I can say good things really do come to those who chose to wait. . .
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
Realiaztion
I don't want to go home because I am going to miss all the people here. I reallyhave become good friends with some of them. Nothing like the ones at home, but at home I am comfortable and there are people there that I will always be friends with NO MATTER what happens in the long run. But I also feel that home isn't really home anymore it is just a house and a place to stay while I see my friends and family for a long time. I don't know I am just sort of in a inbetween state right now. I am also going on a date tonight. Not like anything can come out of it beause really I can't let anything come out of it. Not this close to summer atleast. But i can set some ground work for next year. I don't know I just . . .blah. .and my dad wants me to go with him to the dunes not a day after I get back from college. He says that is going to be my one trip this summer. . so I am like OMG really? I don't want to go straight from a truck to a moterhome with my dad and not get to see my sister for a few days more!! GERRR. . oh well I will figure things out. . I always do!! Yup yup!!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Sleep be is my for good. . . X )
Yeah that is about the function of my brain right now. I want to be home. I am sort of homesickish. And Kim I have been looking for that movie The Fountian, because it actually does sound like something right up my ally. However, this seems to be more of a challenge then I thouht that it would be. Ohh well right. It is all good. No worries. All things happen in the end.
So I have been sort of soul searching for a bit. I don't really know what I do and don't want anymore. I want a guy. I really do, but is that what I really want? Do I want love really? Is that what I need in my life? Or is it that i want to give love? Because I know that is what I want. I was examining my liking of Dwayne and came to the conclusion that there was no chemisty between the two of us. There was a lot fo sexual chemistry, but nothing more. Is that really all I want though? Just sex? That doesn't register in my own head even. Because I know that isn't what I want. I want someone to talk to. Someone that I can be myself with no matter what.
Zach spent the night in my room last night. And well I think he saw bit into my personage. I tried to explain the group dynamics of Hilde, Tia, Mandy and I. I said that is was corrny but the best way to desribe it was with the four elements. He guessed automatically that Mandy was the fire. Hahaha. . . then then I told him Tia was air. He asked why. I said because she is refreashing, light, and well airy. Not in a bad way though. She just is, and it is to the brightest element which she is also. Then he asked if I was water. I told him no, and that that was Hilde's. Because she bends to people. Wraps around them and comfortas them. Then he said that it didn't make sense that I was earth because he thinks that is a lot like me. I told him that he didn't know me well enough. He knows that I listen to people, but he doens't know that I can be stobborn at times. But I didn't really give in a good complete picture of why I am. I should have told him it is because I am dependable or strong or something. Hummm. . . but then I tried to give him other information about why and how I listen. I don't know I wanted him to see the real me for some reason. I feel like he doesn't think very highly of me at times. Like I am just this fluffy brainless drone that does good just because it is all he knows. That I help people for shallow reasons. And maybe I do. But I don't think so. He didn't see who I was and what I came from to get a full apprication of what I have become. I don't know it is interesting. To know that I can come off like that. I guess it is because I haven't had long talks with him. . . .
You know I do talk best in the dark. When the lights are low and you can't see the persons face. When you can wrap them in words and spin a blanket of letters, and when it is one on one. I don't have much time with people here at a one on one. Which is I think a good reason as to why I have held this silly facade up all year. Afaid to let people in like always i would think. I don't know why. I shouldn't be. But I hate having to try and get people acclimated to me. Because it is the truth. To get a full understanding of me you really do have to go though a process. Hummm. . . it is odd. . . ohh well I guess I will just have to build and make time for more one on ones. Yup yup.
We are singing with the Seattle Symphony again and it will be really cool. We had a dress rehearsal today. It was fun. But long ohh well. We are singing the genisis suite. Last and only time it was preformed was in like 1941 or 1951. . . don't remember. This is the second preformance of the peice in history, and I get to be part of it. . . crazy thought huh. Anyway babes, I can't wait to be home. Loves!! I have some more thinking to do.
So I have been sort of soul searching for a bit. I don't really know what I do and don't want anymore. I want a guy. I really do, but is that what I really want? Do I want love really? Is that what I need in my life? Or is it that i want to give love? Because I know that is what I want. I was examining my liking of Dwayne and came to the conclusion that there was no chemisty between the two of us. There was a lot fo sexual chemistry, but nothing more. Is that really all I want though? Just sex? That doesn't register in my own head even. Because I know that isn't what I want. I want someone to talk to. Someone that I can be myself with no matter what.
Zach spent the night in my room last night. And well I think he saw bit into my personage. I tried to explain the group dynamics of Hilde, Tia, Mandy and I. I said that is was corrny but the best way to desribe it was with the four elements. He guessed automatically that Mandy was the fire. Hahaha. . . then then I told him Tia was air. He asked why. I said because she is refreashing, light, and well airy. Not in a bad way though. She just is, and it is to the brightest element which she is also. Then he asked if I was water. I told him no, and that that was Hilde's. Because she bends to people. Wraps around them and comfortas them. Then he said that it didn't make sense that I was earth because he thinks that is a lot like me. I told him that he didn't know me well enough. He knows that I listen to people, but he doens't know that I can be stobborn at times. But I didn't really give in a good complete picture of why I am. I should have told him it is because I am dependable or strong or something. Hummm. . . but then I tried to give him other information about why and how I listen. I don't know I wanted him to see the real me for some reason. I feel like he doesn't think very highly of me at times. Like I am just this fluffy brainless drone that does good just because it is all he knows. That I help people for shallow reasons. And maybe I do. But I don't think so. He didn't see who I was and what I came from to get a full apprication of what I have become. I don't know it is interesting. To know that I can come off like that. I guess it is because I haven't had long talks with him. . . .
You know I do talk best in the dark. When the lights are low and you can't see the persons face. When you can wrap them in words and spin a blanket of letters, and when it is one on one. I don't have much time with people here at a one on one. Which is I think a good reason as to why I have held this silly facade up all year. Afaid to let people in like always i would think. I don't know why. I shouldn't be. But I hate having to try and get people acclimated to me. Because it is the truth. To get a full understanding of me you really do have to go though a process. Hummm. . . it is odd. . . ohh well I guess I will just have to build and make time for more one on ones. Yup yup.
We are singing with the Seattle Symphony again and it will be really cool. We had a dress rehearsal today. It was fun. But long ohh well. We are singing the genisis suite. Last and only time it was preformed was in like 1941 or 1951. . . don't remember. This is the second preformance of the peice in history, and I get to be part of it. . . crazy thought huh. Anyway babes, I can't wait to be home. Loves!! I have some more thinking to do.
Friday, May 23, 2008
The time is come.
For times where you just can't hold it in anymore. I find it odd. Really that I would let so much build up in me while I am the one that preches letting go of emotion into other people. For someone who hates it when other people DON'T get vernerable sometimes, I don't get vernerable at times. I find that hypocritical. It is after all. Ohh well, it is okay. I am going home and I will relax. I will let go of all that is in me and diffuse into my surroundings. I know it isn't fair. To dump so much emotion onto my loved ones but that is why I feel like I must. I have been distant and gone. So I must do this little thing. I am vunerable right now and about to go take a midterms yet my head is clearer then normal. Ohh man I love things that touch a persons heart. So just letting you know, that who you are does make a difference. That is what got me this morning. Loves dearys.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
My body is a live wire!
I don't know what it is. I have caused a lot of trouble this last few weeks. I haven't been doing well in school. It feels like my life is really just starting to crubble. Like I finally tried to move the a delicate crystal a few to many times. It finally shattered. But the odd thing is . . . I don't feel any remorse for it. I feel like I shed a skin that was thinly crafted. It is odd. Becuase I showed myself my true colors. I didn't mind it. I mean I went from being in the closet to being out. I showed a lot more of me. But I still has a thin covering where you could see my colors but it was contained. I feel like that covering finally streched to far. Does that make sense. I mean, I guess it is all because I got my first kiss. It wasn't perfect, not in any way how I imagined it. But it was good. I wont lie. I did enjoy it. And I created room for some good to happen. I made a bad relationship fall apart. Not because of the kiss but because of the information I let go of. I don't know. . . I feel . . . odd. . . might be becuase I am going home this weekend and I CAN"T wait to see my family. It has been much to long. I need to go and clear my head, and figure out where this new me stand. One that isn't afraid to grab what I want and hang on. I don't know. It is odd. I am still trying to figure it out. Loves babes. I think I am getting into a new me. One that will handle things better and with a set of morals and not be afraid of it. Hummm. . LOVES!!!
Monday, May 19, 2008
Of this time!
I have really messed things up. I am lost and havn't got a clue how to make it all out again. I have never really had relationship drama, and now I do. So I am SOOOOO lost that is almost hurts and in such a bad time. I really need to just go home and get my head cleared. Loves, I will be happy soon.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Weekend in San Fran
Yeah it was an interesting time and I am really confused about a lot of things that went down while i was there.
Sunday = We ended up getting into the hotel at around like 8:30 and we deside that we were all hungry. So we get a group of us togeather, and we all go out to Joe's Crab shack. It was great because the staff has to dance and everything when music starts to play loud. It was great because it was all the old 90's stuff that everyone can sing along to. lol. . . . ohh getting to the air port. I should let you all know about that. Well I was going to get a shuttle to the air port, but me and Dwayne end up riding the bus togeather. Yes this is the same guy that I talked about ealier. Yes, I know I am masacistic. So we go out to eat before hand and we chat for a bit and hang out in my room till we have to catch a bus, then hangout when we get to the airport also. It was fun. We talked about a lot of different stuff. Ended up he left his music in my room also. Anyway back to the dinner that night at Joe's. We leave and I end up paying to much because the check was really confusing and they couldn't split it. So whatever, it is all good. No worries. But then we also wanted dessert. So ends up that Jenna, Christine, Thomas, Brent and I go and get ihop. It was great and there are a lot of inside jokes with us now. Like the fact that I will now never look at butter pecaun syup the same way again. lol. . .yeah it was good times. Then we head to bed and that was the end of that day.
Monday = woke up and got breakfast which was pretty good. Nothing really to complain about. Try to find a bank afterwards but ended up just walking around in a big circle. Ohh well it was fun anyway. Then we went to a high school that won the all state compititions in vocal and we preformed for them and they preformed for us. And they were MUCH better then us. It was actually sort of sad. lol. . . . But then we go and go a sound check for a concert later that night with chanticleer. It was in the basilica there! It was so pretty and the sounds that we made there was AMAZING!! It was so beautiful! Then we go to a mall and eat get something to eat. Go back to the hotel get changed and we got to a bank and all that jazz. Then we headed off to the concert. It was amazing. The high schools were really good. Then we sang and the sound was amazing!! No joke. Ohh man it was lovely. Then we heard Chanticleer. They are an all male group that sing all the parts. Saprano, Alto, Tenor, and Bass. Yeah no joke. It was crazy to hear a guy sing up that high!!! Yeah, but they sounded amazing! One of the songs litterally had everyone crying. It was beautiful. Then we get back and a bunch of people go to In and Out Burger. It was really good and it is owned by mormons. What can I say, mormons know there stuff!! lol. . . love you all. Anyway, then we head back and fall asleep.
Tuesday = I sleep in, because i didn't think everyone was doing stuff that morning and we didn't have to be up. And I end up just going to the peir with Kyle. It was fun though. Nothing to complain about. When everyone started to get back we all went to the Grace Cathedral. It was so pretty. I could just feel God there. Singing there was also really amazing! Nothing will ever top that feeling I got singing in there. I felt like I was part of something. It was just a big feeling and I don't really know how to describe it. And then after that we went and practiced the Genisis suite at a college. It was short and sweet. No worries. Then then we get back at around 5 to the hotel. Dwayne, Thomas and I were going to go to castro (the gay district in San Fran) and we were trying to find a club that was 18 and up. There were none but we still wanted to have a good time. But at like 6:15 we go to little Italy and get something to eat. There were a bunch of people and it was tons of fun. We get back and it is like 7:30 ish.
*stop reading if you chose to not hear bad things but also want to know the meat of the story you should read but know that I have learned from my mistakes*. . . .
Well they had one of the older guys in the choir get us some vodka. The good kind I guess. It all tastes bad, but that stuff that we had was actually not half bad. This girl, Rocky and I make a toast to us and we have a drink. We also start to play 10 fingers. I told them all that I would win at the game. Basically what you have to do is say things that you have never done and then if you have done it you have to put a finger down. I did end up wining but a astonishing 8. . . lol. . . I haven't done a lot of stuff. . . lol. But they also vowed that by the end of the night I would no longer be unkissed. We were still really wanting to go dancing and everyone wanted to get me a kiss and hook me up with someone. Anyway, we finally make our way out of the hotel. It was Dwayne, Thomas, Alica and I. It ended up being a small group and it was really a good thing. *we also did take the vodka with us in a water bottle* By the time I got there I had had four shots or so. When we get of the bus there was a guy on the street that started to talk to us. We chatted with him for like 20 min and he was really nice. . . but there was something off with him. Ends up he was on meth. . Alica told us that after were got away from him. Anyway, yeah his life story was pretty sweet. So we start walking around trying to find some place to dance or atleast have fun. We end up walking into this cookie shop and the guy tells us that there are no places that are 18 and up on a tuesday night. So we start walking some more
We end up finally after a long time, it is around 11 and we pass this group of guys and Dwayne does the whole wink and hey thing. So we all start chatting and they want to show us all a good time. There were three guy and a girl just like us in the group. So they take up this a bar called the Mix. It was odd. They end up buying us all some beer. It wasn't the crappy stuff in college but some really okay beer, and I actually do like the taste of it. So they buy us all three rounds. The guys names were Seth, Joshph or something, Ryan, and the girl was Mary. We all hit it off pretty well. But there were older that much was sure and they ask us a bunch of questions. I have a pretty good conversation with Seth about saving myself and why I did it, and everyone was really proud about that. I was happy, and I am sort of proud that i have saved myself. Yeah, Seth was a pretty cool guy. However somewhere in the night, this random guy bumbs into me and sad sorry, I am like it is all good no worries. And then he grabs my butt and says look at the ass on this one, it is so nice! I am like OH my God in my head, so I turn around and stutter a . . . . .a thank you? It was such an odd experiance. I have never had that many people tell me that I was good looking in a night. Yeah it sort of freaked me out. Well anyway, by this time I have had four shots and three beers just to let everyone know. But oddly I can't still function and I can still have morals. So I see Dwayne and this guy Joshph making out. I am like okay it is two in the morning, cerfuew was at 1, it is time to go. So I find Alica and I get us a cab. So we get back to the hotel via my leading ability. They want to go skinny dipping. Bad idea and we end up not doing that. But there were people out in the hall way so we start talking with them. And then more people show up who are also drunk and we descide to move it in to my room. Because both Paul and I are drunk and Kyle is still up. SO we get everyone in there after a little bit of effort. And Paul still has more alohol and we make a few more toast I guess. I really don't remember having more then one more drink, but I guess I had a few more. That is what Kyle tells me anyway. And well okay this is where it gets odd. So we descide to play 10 fingers again. I know once again I will win. It gets to my turn and I pull out the whole i have never been kissed and out of the corner of my eye I see Dwayne launch for me. He is trying to kiss me. All I knew was that I didn't want to be kissed. Not that way atleast. And I end up fending him off with some effort because I was in conflict because I did like him. But he also is sort of in a relationship. He in a friends with benifits deal. They agreed to not have sex with other people. But regardless, it doens't happen and Alica had to pull him off of me, after I had him pinned to the bed. And he says that he sorry. Whatever, after that he doesn't remember anything but he is still mentally there you know what I mean. Okay well anyway, I go and call Hilde. I talk to her for a bit and go back in because my phone dies. The only free stop was between Darran and Dwayne. So I lay down and start to cuddle with Dwayne. The same way that Tia, Hilde, Mandy and I cuddle. But it was a sexual because we were both into each other. I just wanted the contact. Yeah, and he ends up passing out on my chest with his head there. By this time it is like 4:30 in the morning and we have to be up by 5 to get breakfast. We had a very early plane. Well Dwayne was taken care of and all that jazz. I am still a bit tipsy. . . but for the most part i am good. breakfast was went okay but the assitant conductor noticed Dwayne but says nothing. The plane ride home was horrible!!! No joke. Never have a hangover on a plane!! BAD IDEA!! and that was the end of the trip. I really did enjoy myself but there is more to be said.
So I get back and sleep because it was my first all nighter. Ends up one of my friends Liz has something to tell me! Okay well comes to find out that Broson another guy that i know and Liz's best friend has been fooling around with Christian. The same guy that is friends with benifits with Dwayne. I am sort of lost as to what to do. Because all three of them are sort of "slutty" Bronson really is doing it for nothing more then to get off. Christian is sort of cheating, and Dwayne is in the dark. I don't know what to do. Do I tell Dwayne and distroy it, being both my chases of being with him and Christian, or do I let it all play out in its own way? I am in conflict and I don't know what to do. . . So I need to fin out what there deffinition of sex is. Because some people don't consider oral sex as sex. I DO!!! But some people don't. . .yeah and that is all Bronson and Christian are doing. Hummm. .yeah I am totally lost. I have never been in this situation. So yeah . . . a bit of a story for you all.
Sunday = We ended up getting into the hotel at around like 8:30 and we deside that we were all hungry. So we get a group of us togeather, and we all go out to Joe's Crab shack. It was great because the staff has to dance and everything when music starts to play loud. It was great because it was all the old 90's stuff that everyone can sing along to. lol. . . . ohh getting to the air port. I should let you all know about that. Well I was going to get a shuttle to the air port, but me and Dwayne end up riding the bus togeather. Yes this is the same guy that I talked about ealier. Yes, I know I am masacistic. So we go out to eat before hand and we chat for a bit and hang out in my room till we have to catch a bus, then hangout when we get to the airport also. It was fun. We talked about a lot of different stuff. Ended up he left his music in my room also. Anyway back to the dinner that night at Joe's. We leave and I end up paying to much because the check was really confusing and they couldn't split it. So whatever, it is all good. No worries. But then we also wanted dessert. So ends up that Jenna, Christine, Thomas, Brent and I go and get ihop. It was great and there are a lot of inside jokes with us now. Like the fact that I will now never look at butter pecaun syup the same way again. lol. . .yeah it was good times. Then we head to bed and that was the end of that day.
Monday = woke up and got breakfast which was pretty good. Nothing really to complain about. Try to find a bank afterwards but ended up just walking around in a big circle. Ohh well it was fun anyway. Then we went to a high school that won the all state compititions in vocal and we preformed for them and they preformed for us. And they were MUCH better then us. It was actually sort of sad. lol. . . . But then we go and go a sound check for a concert later that night with chanticleer. It was in the basilica there! It was so pretty and the sounds that we made there was AMAZING!! It was so beautiful! Then we go to a mall and eat get something to eat. Go back to the hotel get changed and we got to a bank and all that jazz. Then we headed off to the concert. It was amazing. The high schools were really good. Then we sang and the sound was amazing!! No joke. Ohh man it was lovely. Then we heard Chanticleer. They are an all male group that sing all the parts. Saprano, Alto, Tenor, and Bass. Yeah no joke. It was crazy to hear a guy sing up that high!!! Yeah, but they sounded amazing! One of the songs litterally had everyone crying. It was beautiful. Then we get back and a bunch of people go to In and Out Burger. It was really good and it is owned by mormons. What can I say, mormons know there stuff!! lol. . . love you all. Anyway, then we head back and fall asleep.
Tuesday = I sleep in, because i didn't think everyone was doing stuff that morning and we didn't have to be up. And I end up just going to the peir with Kyle. It was fun though. Nothing to complain about. When everyone started to get back we all went to the Grace Cathedral. It was so pretty. I could just feel God there. Singing there was also really amazing! Nothing will ever top that feeling I got singing in there. I felt like I was part of something. It was just a big feeling and I don't really know how to describe it. And then after that we went and practiced the Genisis suite at a college. It was short and sweet. No worries. Then then we get back at around 5 to the hotel. Dwayne, Thomas and I were going to go to castro (the gay district in San Fran) and we were trying to find a club that was 18 and up. There were none but we still wanted to have a good time. But at like 6:15 we go to little Italy and get something to eat. There were a bunch of people and it was tons of fun. We get back and it is like 7:30 ish.
*stop reading if you chose to not hear bad things but also want to know the meat of the story you should read but know that I have learned from my mistakes*. . . .
Well they had one of the older guys in the choir get us some vodka. The good kind I guess. It all tastes bad, but that stuff that we had was actually not half bad. This girl, Rocky and I make a toast to us and we have a drink. We also start to play 10 fingers. I told them all that I would win at the game. Basically what you have to do is say things that you have never done and then if you have done it you have to put a finger down. I did end up wining but a astonishing 8. . . lol. . . I haven't done a lot of stuff. . . lol. But they also vowed that by the end of the night I would no longer be unkissed. We were still really wanting to go dancing and everyone wanted to get me a kiss and hook me up with someone. Anyway, we finally make our way out of the hotel. It was Dwayne, Thomas, Alica and I. It ended up being a small group and it was really a good thing. *we also did take the vodka with us in a water bottle* By the time I got there I had had four shots or so. When we get of the bus there was a guy on the street that started to talk to us. We chatted with him for like 20 min and he was really nice. . . but there was something off with him. Ends up he was on meth. . Alica told us that after were got away from him. Anyway, yeah his life story was pretty sweet. So we start walking around trying to find some place to dance or atleast have fun. We end up walking into this cookie shop and the guy tells us that there are no places that are 18 and up on a tuesday night. So we start walking some more
We end up finally after a long time, it is around 11 and we pass this group of guys and Dwayne does the whole wink and hey thing. So we all start chatting and they want to show us all a good time. There were three guy and a girl just like us in the group. So they take up this a bar called the Mix. It was odd. They end up buying us all some beer. It wasn't the crappy stuff in college but some really okay beer, and I actually do like the taste of it. So they buy us all three rounds. The guys names were Seth, Joshph or something, Ryan, and the girl was Mary. We all hit it off pretty well. But there were older that much was sure and they ask us a bunch of questions. I have a pretty good conversation with Seth about saving myself and why I did it, and everyone was really proud about that. I was happy, and I am sort of proud that i have saved myself. Yeah, Seth was a pretty cool guy. However somewhere in the night, this random guy bumbs into me and sad sorry, I am like it is all good no worries. And then he grabs my butt and says look at the ass on this one, it is so nice! I am like OH my God in my head, so I turn around and stutter a . . . . .a thank you? It was such an odd experiance. I have never had that many people tell me that I was good looking in a night. Yeah it sort of freaked me out. Well anyway, by this time I have had four shots and three beers just to let everyone know. But oddly I can't still function and I can still have morals. So I see Dwayne and this guy Joshph making out. I am like okay it is two in the morning, cerfuew was at 1, it is time to go. So I find Alica and I get us a cab. So we get back to the hotel via my leading ability. They want to go skinny dipping. Bad idea and we end up not doing that. But there were people out in the hall way so we start talking with them. And then more people show up who are also drunk and we descide to move it in to my room. Because both Paul and I are drunk and Kyle is still up. SO we get everyone in there after a little bit of effort. And Paul still has more alohol and we make a few more toast I guess. I really don't remember having more then one more drink, but I guess I had a few more. That is what Kyle tells me anyway. And well okay this is where it gets odd. So we descide to play 10 fingers again. I know once again I will win. It gets to my turn and I pull out the whole i have never been kissed and out of the corner of my eye I see Dwayne launch for me. He is trying to kiss me. All I knew was that I didn't want to be kissed. Not that way atleast. And I end up fending him off with some effort because I was in conflict because I did like him. But he also is sort of in a relationship. He in a friends with benifits deal. They agreed to not have sex with other people. But regardless, it doens't happen and Alica had to pull him off of me, after I had him pinned to the bed. And he says that he sorry. Whatever, after that he doesn't remember anything but he is still mentally there you know what I mean. Okay well anyway, I go and call Hilde. I talk to her for a bit and go back in because my phone dies. The only free stop was between Darran and Dwayne. So I lay down and start to cuddle with Dwayne. The same way that Tia, Hilde, Mandy and I cuddle. But it was a sexual because we were both into each other. I just wanted the contact. Yeah, and he ends up passing out on my chest with his head there. By this time it is like 4:30 in the morning and we have to be up by 5 to get breakfast. We had a very early plane. Well Dwayne was taken care of and all that jazz. I am still a bit tipsy. . . but for the most part i am good. breakfast was went okay but the assitant conductor noticed Dwayne but says nothing. The plane ride home was horrible!!! No joke. Never have a hangover on a plane!! BAD IDEA!! and that was the end of the trip. I really did enjoy myself but there is more to be said.
So I get back and sleep because it was my first all nighter. Ends up one of my friends Liz has something to tell me! Okay well comes to find out that Broson another guy that i know and Liz's best friend has been fooling around with Christian. The same guy that is friends with benifits with Dwayne. I am sort of lost as to what to do. Because all three of them are sort of "slutty" Bronson really is doing it for nothing more then to get off. Christian is sort of cheating, and Dwayne is in the dark. I don't know what to do. Do I tell Dwayne and distroy it, being both my chases of being with him and Christian, or do I let it all play out in its own way? I am in conflict and I don't know what to do. . . So I need to fin out what there deffinition of sex is. Because some people don't consider oral sex as sex. I DO!!! But some people don't. . .yeah and that is all Bronson and Christian are doing. Hummm. .yeah I am totally lost. I have never been in this situation. So yeah . . . a bit of a story for you all.
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