Troubles

I am really sort of homesick right now. I don't know why. I wasn't befor. Well I was but I was able to deal with it. But I guess that is what happens when you let things build up. They eventually overcome you. I think that is what I have let happen. I am just tired and sad. I really sort of want to cry but I can't because I don't want to. It would show a weakness that I can't afford right now. Or atleast it would be a weakness to me right now. I am a total hippocrite. I was just telling Hilde that she shouldn't hold things in about missing her family and she should just bear her heart. I told her to let herself cry and she did and she is better now. Yet here I am on the verge of a brake down and I can't let it happen. To breakdown is bad because it would me that I wasn't good enough and crying would be silly because it had to happen and I had to leave. I should just get over it. OMG I can't listen to myself. I have no clue what I am doing right now. I have lost the path that is me. I knew who I was and what I wanted. I am still that same person. . . but I have been so focused on trying to help other people that I have forgotten myself behind them. I don't know what to say to myself. If I was any sort of intelligent I would let myself feel again and get over it in time. After it does take time to heal all wounds. But I don't want to hurt right now. I am just so tired. So the conclusion to my ramblings is that I am going to go and just think for a bit. . . . about everything and fix this little problem that seems to be causeing so me so much pain. Wow now only if I would listen to what I am saying to myself. . . I am my own worst enemy.