From Stone to Marble

Wow it has been a while. Well lets see what there is to say. My mid terms when okay. Not amazing but just good. I have been working on a bunch of school papers and such. And it has been just amazing and such lately. I am starting to really find my place. I really didn't think I would. I am glad that people flock to me. I don't want to seem arrogent or anything but people just are always around me. I think it might actually be because of my personailty. I don't really know why because I see so many bad flaws in it. But I love everyone that is around me right now. Being in my fig has really helped me. The one thing that I hate about college is that fact that I can't invite people into my home. There isn't enough room in my half of the room to do that. You all know how I am also. I want to open my home, because I feel like that is my contribution to group things. This was all brought up by the fact that I went to a party at Molly's house. It was amazing and fun. It was really good and almost felt like the good old times. Just with new people. The group over here is Kat, Nicole, Gianna, Molly, Allie, Wade, and Adam, with the random people that are included but are not the core. I don't know it feels good to be part of something and it sort of makes me want to cry because I feel like I have friends here that are almost as great as you all are, just different. I love life even with all the finals starting next week. I have one on tuesday and one on wednesday.

On other news, I am not really killing old habits, but I have finally almost gotten controll over them because it isn't looked down upon. It was really odd, but it is the liberal state of mind. I am finally opened up the world that rages around me also. But I am building my world once again. That is where the friends come in. I love that. You know you guys were my sanctary. Comeing here I had a very small one with Hilde that was subject to fall at anytime given Hildes personality. Now I feel like I have a larger one and like I said it feels good. So all in all this post it ment to tell all that still read this that I am doing really well and adjusting finally. I guess the base still has to be moved if it wants to hold things up as it did before. I tried to stay the same person I was because I liked that person and it worked well. I knew who I was, and why I did everything. Comeing here with different people, different place and different feel, the base had to adapt to it. Which I am finally done with almost. Just have a few things left and I still have retained my base values just with a bit of a more. It was a base but now it is a collum. I guess it the best way to put it. Woot woot. I love you all like crazy though and I can't wait to see each and everyone of you because you are the ones that let me and taught me were to grow.

I am happy!!!

Well hi everyone that ever reads these things. Have I got things to tell you. Well lets start off with why I haven't be able to get post a blog about my measly life in a while. It was because of my midterms. Ohh well right. It is all good. I got a good score, on my marie biology, and an not so good score on my chem. But oddly I am still passing because it is on a bell curve. But I chose to drop down next quarter to 220 because it is easier and better taught and not nearly as much compitition in the class. That is a good thing. Also next quarter I am taking Calc with biology sort of deal. It is odd it is like how math is applicable to biology. It should prove to be interesting. Then lastly I am taking a class called perspectives of science. It is all about how we can take scientific theory as true. It sould be really fun I think.

Now for the other stuff that has been going on in my life. Well so lets start off, I have been doing a lot of Christmas shopping and such. I have my sister and my mom done. I also have Tia's present which I know that she is going to love and hate me for. Ohh well it is all good. As for everyone else I have absolutly no clue what I am going to do. Really I have no clue at all. But I got a really nice Christmas CD. So that was really nice.

OHH and guess what. The Branden finally went on his first real date. It was a blind date set up by Hilde and Maria. It was with Zack. He is a really cool guy I must admit. And I wasn't trying to force myself to click with him. It just happened. I was actually trying to not like him because I didn't really want to like anyone yet, but I sort of do but it isn't an overwellming feeling. Which is nice. Ohh well right. He is just a really cool guy right now.

Okay so yeah that is about the summation of this past week. I just can't wait to be home for Thanksgiving. I want to see my family and friends really badly. It is almost a physical hole in my heart to think about them. It is okay though becuase it grows smaller with each day here. Time can heal all wounds if you let it. Woot woot.

Anyway I am off to take a shower and then do two labs. YEY for me.

A good Week and hard but good

I guess I should fill you all in about what has been going on in the life of me. Well. . . all in all. . . it is very good. I had a bit of a hard start this week, and last week wasn't really fun and was all at the same time. Last week I got sick for the first time in forever and it wasn't all that much fun but it was all good. You can't always beat it. But it was okay because it was the week of Halloween. The weekend befor that I went to a haunted house. It was really fun and really scary. I came out trembling and everyone else was like bah that wasn't scary at all. I was really scared but it was fun. Then we went to the haunted collems on campus and it was really fun.

For Halloween I stayed in with Kat and we watched Sleepy Hallow, then Corpse Bride, then we ended the night with A Walk to Remember because I have never seen it all the way through. It was a really good movie. Loved it. It was a good night where nothing happened.

This last weekend was good and fun because I went to the Friday Harbor Labs and did some expiriments for my marine biology class. It was really fun. I loved it and I got to spend some time with Osinie and Megan. It was really cool and fun. It was a good confrimation of what I wanted to do. Not to mention spending two hours trying to figure out a fish that we had to identify. It was interesting because we had three males and four females and the guys well lets say they have some really distinct parts that give them away, and we didn't know what they were. It was odd. And funny, we laught for a long time about that because it was at like 9 at night and we had woken up at like 6 to get these fish. It was awsome.

But sunday kind of sucked for me because I was way behind on homework. So monday due to lack of sleep it wasn't a good day = bad week start. Tuesday was bad because I was still behind but now I am good and caught up and having fun again. I hate it when my routine is broken.

All through out this however, I am glad that Hilde is now back to who she was, because she found out that she wasn't really friends with the people she thought she was, and it was just good in general. I am happy and sad, but it is okay. No matter, I am happy.

Branden's love life is still null and void, but that is okay. I am having a good time and it might not be that way much longer because I am getting my foot in the door to a few people that I am interested in and testing the waters. I don't know much more to say.

Life is good. . . ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and my songs have returned which brings back a lot of memorries and fun times, but many new things I didn't hear. But they have changed and sometimes have pictures. It is odd, and cool. No worries. I love being me right now even if the time is chaotic. I just can't wait to get back home and see my family. I miss them all really badly.

Don't expect another post for a week or so becaus I have two midterms next week and they are one right after the other on the same day. Sucky I know but ohh well what can you do. Loves babes

Can't wait to see you all again.
~Branden

Long time no Talk

Okay so there is a ton of things that I have to fill you in on my dears. Such as the fact that I am really kind of hyper, happy, sad, and not well comfortable. Like I always have been thanks to you guys I have always been comfortable with what ever and were ever I am. Now I am not and I am very slow at finding my place in this campus. I think I did find it though. The ocean and fishery sciences. No one really gives me odd looks and it isn't confusing. I don't know I just feel like I fit in there. Yey for that. Okay less depressing things. Last time I checking in with all of you was homesick. Well my mom and sister came up this weekend, and it was great to see them but I realized that I really did want to leave in the first place. I love them to death don't get me wrong, but seeing them was like seeing a wasteland that I call the tri-cites. Everything moves much slower there. I like that, but only for a bit I think. I like it here. I really do, but I don't know it still is missing something that I need, so I know this wont be my final stop in life.

BTW I am acually getting sick. I hurts to talk. I think I might be getting a sore throught. EWWW. that is never fun.

Okay so my brithday was amazing. I hung out with really cool people and did amazing things. We went to dinner instead of iceskating, went to a party and QFC which is a grocery store instead of Neighbors which is the gay club, and then watched a movie which I left half was threw. It was fun. I have a very good time. Then to top it off my mom and sister were here for the weekend. I watched Hairspray which was a great movie. Then we also watched Pirates of the Carrabien also. I LOVE THAT MOVIE. It was my first time seeing the last one. It was so romantic and I had dreams about it. It was just an amazing movie. Well okay so that was all good and dandy.

That about sums up my B-day fiasco. Then to the social things. I actally went to the GSA club meeting and it was actually good. AKA not just a bunch of high school guys gathering to talk about sex. It was good and I think it might actually be benificel for me to actually go there regualrly. I am also working on a guy. Just to let you know and it he really cool, but I think we might just end up as friends. I am still working out reguarly and I am actually gaining weight. Which is a good thing because I LOOK like I am losing it. I am putting on muscle. I am happy with me right now. I think I might actally be able to shop at A&F or Hollister and get the clothes that I like and actally have a sence of taste once I loose a few more pounds so to say.

School is going great for me. I am not over burderdened. Which is nice. I have just he right about of stuff to do. I should be doing homework right now because I have to do TWO labs and a pre-lab. That is okay though. It wont take that long I don't think. They were pretty easy things. I did take two of my mid terms. The marine biology one was nice. I think I did realyl good on it, but this little voice in the back of my head is like YOU FAILED. Which is wouldn't be suprised actually because I tend to remeber the things I self taught myself, and some of that was wrong. So that was that. THe chem fianl was easy. I only missed one problem I think because I had NO idea how to do it.

So other then that I think you are about as up-dated as you could possible be. Let me think, Birthday, Social, School and friends. Okay so the friends issue is starting to get on my nerves because I find that people change on according to who they are closest to. I do it also. It sucks, but atleast TRY to remain true to yourself if nothing else. Some people don't even do that. It makes me angry that people can change so fast. Ohh well really I guess. I can't help peoples personalities. Woot woot

So that covers it. I am happy though. I have got things off my chest and I am going to go to the gym because it closes at 6 and I didn't workout on friday. Woot woot. So I am going to leave you to read my sencelessness.

If you are reading thing that means I love you like the day is long. and more then you will ever know.

~Branden

The weekend!!!

I don't really know what to write about right now, so I guess I will give you an update on my life. There isn't anything to say much. I am just sort of waiting still. It really kind of sucks. But that is okay, I am determined to fix that. But any way so this weekend was really kind of fun. I actually came out of my slump of missing home and was like people. If you can imagin with me for a second. I think it was kind of like a badly bruised squirral, that desided to look out the hole even though it was badly bruised. I don't know this week hasn't been hard I guess, this is just starting to ride on me. I am getting to know people. The right kind of people. I am conflicted still because I did try to make and honest effort to be friends with Hilde's roommate, but I can't. She is just not my kind of person. I am tried to tell Hilde that but Hilde claims that she is good for her. And I can see where in part she is, but I still think the bad out weights the good. Anyway, I think I might just stop stressing over that. Anyway, I am staying on top of all my school stuff like crazy. I haven't been pushed to get anything done really quick. AKA, I think college is a breeze compared to last year so far. I am doing good for what I am right now. There are some really cool people on my floor and I am starting to really like them. One, his name is Josh, was part of the drum core. So naturally we clicked. He is a cool guy, sadly he is straight. But unlike the guys in the TC guys here have no adversion to hanging out with me. Which is awsome. I don't know I am happy hear it is just that I am working really hard to change my surroundings again. I did that all through high school. I never really noticed it actually, till I was trust into a new area. Like as in I am now having to find the good and the bad, and seperate it. Here though it is a lot let clear and defined. Which is what is mostly getting me down I guess. Time is all I need, just time. Sadly though that isn't what a person like me wants to here with no patients. So anyway, I think I will let you guys go with the actual sum of events this weekend.

Friday, Hilde and that group went to a frat party. I hung out with them while they were getting ready. Came home at like 11 and watched ghost stories till 12. The next day I hung out with Hilde's group again and we all went to pike street market and had fun there. Then went out with Hilde's mom and every one. It was really fun. Came home to finish homework while they went shopping. Ended up hanging out with Nicoloe, Kat and Josh. Talked what was like forever, and watched Moulin Rouge. It was amazing. Then sunday I actually did my homework all morning. Hung out with Kat Josh and Zoie. Then I am here after finally falling asleep at 2 in the morning because dumb people like to play cards till that time in the morning. It was aggrivating. Ohh well it is all good.

Summed up, good weekend, hard week, missing everyone, but refuse to let myself get down!!!!

LOVES~
Branden

So I was thinking today

I don't want to make this seem like I am giving up my stances because I am not. I still feel as strongly as I do before but I have came to a revilutionary though for me. So I was thinking about the whole durg thing. I was being close minded. Not in the sense that I was close minded to the drug. Becaus I still am to the idea, but to the people that do them. I guess I sort of thought about it and I figured that if I close myself to people that do drugs then I will miss out on some really cool people. I don't have to like what they do. But then again everyone has there problems, right? I have mine and I would hate if someone said they wouldn't like me because of the simple fact that I have a flaw. Isn't that in a sort discrimination. I came to that realization and it hit me hard. So I am trying to get over that right now. It is a bit more difficult then I thought that it would be but that is okay. It will make me a better person.

On the other news. I love all my classes they are fun and I am pretty sure that I am actally going to like to learn from these people. I am totally stoked. Last night however I was hanging out in Hilde's room with her and the fire alarm goes off. Comes to find out they had to evactuat everyone because some dumb person burnt popcore. That sets off the alarms like crazy in our building. So we stood out in the cold because someone burnt popcore. It made me angry. Thankfully it wasn't raining like it is now. It is like REALLY raining here. It is crazy. Yet people are just like whatever. I am freaking out, but that is okay.

Yesterday I went and hung out with Kristina. She is doing good and all. Her house is nice. Needs work, but is nice. I think she might actually be getting on top of things. There are things there that I don't approve of but whatever I can't win them all.

Lets see the last topic I have to talk about is my love life. Which I am sad to say is still as black as it was in the TC. However, there are prospects on the way. I am not going to ruin the suprize or jump the gun right now. For now we are just going to go get some coffee, or something to eat maybe. We dont' know yet. He seems like a cool guy none the less. So yeah, that is my life as of now.

I am also starting to get a bit homesickish. This is thus the longest time I have been away from my parents. It is crazy, but hey you got to do what you got to do. Anyway, I miss you all like crazy and I CAN'T wait to see you all for thanksgiving. Dude I just realized that my birthday is in less then two weeks. Holy crap batman. That feels so odd. 19 and never been kissed. How very sad.

Smoking Pot!!!

Don't worry I didn't. If you are reading this you know that I would never do that stuff at all. I don't see the point. But being in college I am around people that do do it. And I have to get along with these people. I want to help them, but they don't want help. Because to them it isn't bad. But it is. I think it is, and it is a matter of opinion. I don't understand it and I am trying to understand it from there views. But I am just always seeing that it is just a stupid activity that can cause a lot of pain to people when they need not. I don't know the more I learn about it, the more I hate it. I don't know and it makes me angry. And there is A LOT of it in this school. I don't know how to take this part in and I don't think that I will be able to at all. So right now I am pissed off at the world and it is really annoying because I don't want to be this way. I want the world to go back to drug free. PLEASE!!!! Okay I am off to bed. My first day of school is tomarrow.

First part day!!!

Today was sort of a very crazy hyper take it all in sort of day. I wasn't really sure were to look first. Last night we stayed in a hotel in seattle which was cool but I got no sleep because my dad snores. Other then that I was fine. Then today we get up at like 7 and our day starts. It went from unloading, unpaking, eating, business, then waiting, and then more eating, and then leaving for the night.

There is just so many new things to take in. It is sort of crazy. I mean new people that have no problem about talking about smoking, drinking and sex. It is a far cry from the TC. So I am learning to cope with everything. You know me though, take everything in stride till I get everything under my belt. I feel now that I can truely get taken under the waves here, and I am determinded to not let myself do that. So I am making an voe of sorts. Woot woot. I am so happy though that I am here. I just can't wait till I know atleast one face in the croud. I know that I will once school gets to starting. I am just you know crazy . . . perspeptive right now I guess. I don't think that is the right word but all the same I guess.

The Blender!!!

That is what my mind and emotions have been lately. I am trying to force togeather past and future into a mix that will never work. It is sad, yet I am still trying. Kind of actually like the whole two magnits togeather. Old habits and friends, with clean one and new friends. I am starting to find the mix. But gosh darn it is difficult. But I am happy to report that I don't seem to be needing my habit right now. Mostly because I am telling myself that I don't need it and I am starting to believe it. I told my mom about it and I explained it to her and she understood. Well not really understood, but saw through my eyes. It was nice and didn't make me feel bad about it and that was what broke it. I found that I was doing it because it was MY form of disobediance. It was odd to realize that. It was good for me and it has helped me a lot. I feel good. I feel cleaner then I have all summer and it is nice. I am happy and confused though. I am scared to head off to college. My roommate seems like a really cool guy. I told him I was gay and everything. He is Christian. We are stoked because we are both calm guy and we will more then likely get along fine. I am stoked for that. But I really don't want to leave my friends behind. It was good that I was left basically alone for this last month (minus Chelsey). Because it gave me time to move into the whole not being around people I am 100% comfortable with all the time. It was what I am pretty sure I would have needed. I also has made me want to leave that much sooner because of the lack of social intereaction around here. I am also really sad to see my sister go. I am going to miss her like the desert misses the rain. I will wish and pray for her more then anything else. I hope she will make the good choices. I have given to her all that I can and taught her everything that I know about what it is to be a good person. I think she is finally starting to understand that. That is partly because of her boyfriend. He is a really good guy and even more solid then I am. A very good guy. So trying to cope with all this at the same time and pack is starting to short circet my brain, but it is what I need no doubt. I am just ready to leave and be on. I am starting to see the bright light for all those that know that way I think. I haven't seen it in a very long time. It feels great. SO I am going to go and revil in it. Woot woot.

How does music happen!!!

No really, I mean what makes it. Yes you can say that vibrations and such. But that isn't music for all those that really KNOW music now is it. Music is emotion in physical form, is it? Well anyway, something prompted me to write about music. In haveing always heard songs in my life, I can never once, not a SINGLE time remember a persons song actually haveing a voice. I have never got that once. Till yesterday. It was the oddest sensation. Hearing someone sing in the middle of a croud, that no one else could hear. Yet I knew that it was in my head at the same time. Like someone wispering in my ear. It was strange. It was freaking me out till I figured out where it was coming from. It was coming from either the old lady or the old man that was sitting one table away from us at Hubby's Pizza. It was a woman singing so I guess that it was the old lady. But I couldn't shake it for being the man also. It was odd. So I wonder what that means. I mean I kept on looking at them and the woman noticed that I kept looking at them. She smiled. I wonder if the reason there was a voice and why I couldn't tell them apart was because that was TRUE and honest to God love. But that is immpossible because that would mean I have never heard true love once before. Which I truely doubt. So I was wondering. What does it mean. Maybe I am just being overly thinking. It was just strange. The song was like if you can grasp this a cross between Opera and a old irish lullabye. It was loud and soft. It was odd. I guess that makes sense because it was well what feels like one in a million. Yeah, just had to get that out there because it was the oddest sensation.

Return to me

So today I come to you in a sort of odd mood to say the least. I am sort of trying to stop bad habits. I am actually self disturctive if you didn't know. Just know that it is something that I have been trying to get over. And I am actually recommiting myself to my purpose. I was sort of strayed along a bad path recently, but I just litterally seconds ago chose to wash my hands of it. I want to badly. So this is my affrimation of getting rid of it even though I may lie know that it is something that is going to be riding on my mind for a bit. So be pacient with my attitude if I have one. Know that it isn't because of you. Mostly this is for your benifit Chelsey because you are thus far the only one that knows about this blog. Woot woot. Yeah, so there was that and I am getting an odd notion for some reason. I am sort of getting all tingly all over. It is odd and I am sort of scared not going to lie. Because this usually only happens when I know that God is with me. Last time it happened was when I was in confirmation. However I am reading the Left Behind Serises. Which is actually making me want to read the bible. Which is saying a lot from me. And that alone is amazing. But most of all it has made me see things. The more I read it the more I come to an understanding of where I am with God. I am seeing that I can devote myself more to him in small ways. He knows that I love him. I know that I do also. I was thinking about it. And by thinking you have to understand that is it more of prayer I guess. I guess I have been able to see the bad side this whole time. But I never really have let go of God on the other side. I see two sides. The red and the white. I don't see the devil as black, I see him as red. Or atleast the part that I know of him. I know he is black in the worst parts, but I don't know those parts. I think that is partly due to the fact that God has protected me and I have helped myself. I don't really knwo what I am trying to say, but basically I know now that I have turned my back on God without letting go compleatly. Like a passing thought more or less. I have choosen to bring him more to the forfront. If you haven't noticed, but I have been trying to change myself. Because I found that I wasn't like who I used to be and I wasn't being my true self. I hated that about me. So I am also bring him closer to me. I don't blame people for leading me off the path of myself but I know that some people did that to me. So I am reclaming the old me regardless. So here I come no in the brilliant blinding flash or anything but more of the slowly growing tree that I used to be. Yeah, that was metiphroical Chelsey. Loves you babe. woot woot. And now I feel just a little bit more compleate.

Of God and Destiny

What is it that we are really looking for in life? I mean really is there any point in sometimes just even trying. I don't mean living life. There always has been point in doing that. Even when I couldn't always see it. There are so many good things to live with and for, but is there really a point to the daily grind? Does it really ever get to the places that we want to be? Because once we finally work our butts off to get to the spot that we want are we not to tired to do it anyway? I was just sort of wondering about that. I know that if we don't go around with it then it wont be ours. But what if it was. What if you could get to what you wanted and not really have to worry about ever getting it. That all you really had to do was wait. I don't really know what I am talking about. I guess it is more about destinay then anything. I just sort of wondered about that. Does everything already have a predeterminded end? Are we bound by laws and fources that are not really our own? I am okay with that. Because that means that I am on a set path no matter how hard I try to elude that. It will always be there. Right. Because if you try to upset the path and if the path really existed then wouldn't it have been thought that you can't do anything to tarnish that beautiful thing. All in all, God has a plan for each and every single one of us and such, but I wonder what mine is going to be. Hummm. . . I guess only God really knows.

Sadly I had no clue where my thoughts were going and that really was just a random track of my mind. So yeah, think a little!

Okay I thought I posted a blog. But it never went up!!!

Yeah, so now I am confused. That is okay. This is just going to be one so that I know that it will get up when I want it to go up. So something like that. I am more then likely have more to write about once I get into college. Woot woot. Right now it would totally just be a bunch of lame diologue, that would pretty much resemble this sort of thing.