Return to me

So today I come to you in a sort of odd mood to say the least. I am sort of trying to stop bad habits. I am actually self disturctive if you didn't know. Just know that it is something that I have been trying to get over. And I am actually recommiting myself to my purpose. I was sort of strayed along a bad path recently, but I just litterally seconds ago chose to wash my hands of it. I want to badly. So this is my affrimation of getting rid of it even though I may lie know that it is something that is going to be riding on my mind for a bit. So be pacient with my attitude if I have one. Know that it isn't because of you. Mostly this is for your benifit Chelsey because you are thus far the only one that knows about this blog. Woot woot. Yeah, so there was that and I am getting an odd notion for some reason. I am sort of getting all tingly all over. It is odd and I am sort of scared not going to lie. Because this usually only happens when I know that God is with me. Last time it happened was when I was in confirmation. However I am reading the Left Behind Serises. Which is actually making me want to read the bible. Which is saying a lot from me. And that alone is amazing. But most of all it has made me see things. The more I read it the more I come to an understanding of where I am with God. I am seeing that I can devote myself more to him in small ways. He knows that I love him. I know that I do also. I was thinking about it. And by thinking you have to understand that is it more of prayer I guess. I guess I have been able to see the bad side this whole time. But I never really have let go of God on the other side. I see two sides. The red and the white. I don't see the devil as black, I see him as red. Or atleast the part that I know of him. I know he is black in the worst parts, but I don't know those parts. I think that is partly due to the fact that God has protected me and I have helped myself. I don't really knwo what I am trying to say, but basically I know now that I have turned my back on God without letting go compleatly. Like a passing thought more or less. I have choosen to bring him more to the forfront. If you haven't noticed, but I have been trying to change myself. Because I found that I wasn't like who I used to be and I wasn't being my true self. I hated that about me. So I am also bring him closer to me. I don't blame people for leading me off the path of myself but I know that some people did that to me. So I am reclaming the old me regardless. So here I come no in the brilliant blinding flash or anything but more of the slowly growing tree that I used to be. Yeah, that was metiphroical Chelsey. Loves you babe. woot woot. And now I feel just a little bit more compleate.