I just realized. . .

that some of my expectations are a little bit much. No joke you want to know what just ran through my head. I actually thought this. I was wondering about the world and how it was just moving way to fast and that I was starting to lose my balance. I actually though why can't I just stop the world. Then it would make that much more sense. But I wasn't actually thinking metaphorically. I really for a second thought that I could stop the world. Then I was like wait. . . I can't do that. But the simple fact that I thought that, made me think even more. Do I hold to to stong of values? Have I really set the bar to high for people? Is that why . . . . I always seem to compisating for where other people fail. Okay so like this all came to me a few days ago. I was reading this book and it helped me find a part of me or atleast explian why I do what I do. So the topic was respect. It was odd to read about it because the book explained it in a maner of why should anyone have to earn your respect because having to earn it emplies that it has worth. Something that is attuned to being better then theirs. So this also got me thinking about just giving people respect in every form or maner. I do that I said to myself. I really do but to gain my friendship they have to earn a higher level of respect right? So I was wondering if I just gave respect to everyone would it be better. So I am trying this out even more so then now. I think it might work. I really do. But again their was a flip side to this also. It means that people have to lose my respect also, and that I have to give them a fighting chance to do so. This came into play this weekend. Okay so you know Lindsey, Hilde's roommate, well we settled on the fact that she would ask me to leave if she ever had to roll, smoke or take out in anyway her pot in her room if I was there. We never had a single problem with this. One time I left as she was about to ask and she was like ohh yeah. . . sorry. And I left. What ever. But it happened again but now with my different take on values it change the ideals. So I waited and waited and even looked at her the whole time she was doing it and she laughed at me when I was looking at her. And she continued. . . . well anyway she never once said anything. . . and I resisted leaving to make sure that I gave her a fighting chance. But that was even the first straw that she pulled aginst me. I was looking at Hilde and just thinking about her and who she is and she took it as she shouldn't be drinking. Well, she wasn't drinking much so I was actually okay with it. But Lindsey tried to step in and tell that I shouldn't moniter her drinking and that she is a big girl and can take care of herself. Well first off I know all that, but it because I care that I want to make sure she doesn't go to far. Well anyway she stepped over the line with me telling me how to care for my friends. Then she challenged my very basic morals of that I will not drink and that I can't control everything. She was liek things are going to happen if they are going to happen. She basically slapped me in the face telling me that I can't change the world. I responded by saying that I can always try and hope for the best though. . . that made her shut up. I suspect that the only reason that she tries to bring me down is because I am someone that won't be brought down to her level. She is one of those people. That would make others fall then try herself. She could do so much better I think. And she is smart enough to actually try to pull me down. What I mean is that she is one of those people that is a social climber and is contious of trying to pull me down. Anyway, so I told Hilde about the whole pot rolling thing after she left to go do the deed and she said that she would talk to her and that she understood my point of view compleatly. For all the faults Hilde has I believe she atleast has a very strong sense of honor and pride. Anyway so the next day we were sitting in her room and we were just talking, I still have to be civil to her because she is hilde's roommate, and well she farted and just laughed at it. Well a few min later I burp. She turns to me in the most serious maner says to me . . . that is really rude of you and will you leave the next time you do that. I was flabbergasted. Even Hilde let her jaw drop. I was just like what ever. But Hilde is going to talk to her about this whole thing because it kind of silly. So all in all she was the first person to lose my respect. Ohh well right. Not a very big lose in my book. Woot woot. . . .

So anyway, loves you all and I am no longer homesick. It was just a minor bumb in the path that shook me more then it should have. I am also finding more friends I think. LOVES