Hey everyone. . . .

I am not sure what I a feeling right now. And I have only a few min befor I have to leave for class. You know those moods where you are so happy you want to scream and laugh and jump. Well I am in one of those moods. But it is like only a covering or soemthing because I am still very grumpy if you only scratch the surface. Hummm. . .I wonder why it is odd. Because I really do want to be happy. Yesterday I was really happy. .. .. but I sort of had to play really happy. That is what my problem is . .. I had to fake happy when I was happy. That put me in a funk. Hilde was finally crashing. I think she was actally thinking about suicide. . . scary thought. But I know she would never do it. She was intertaining the idea of hummm I wonder sort of thing. That scared me so I really wanted to help her get out of it. I did succeed with flying colors. She was stressing out over her chemistry. Which I understand and it is really easy once you understand it, but no one ever understands it the same way. All I knew is that I know how Hilde works and she understands me so I worked as the best teacher for her. People try to make it over complicated and she was looking in to many places for help thus she was lost. Okay I understand that because she was stressed. And I got her through it . . . . I was happy about that I really was. But I hated knowing that I was trying to actually save her out of something much worse. That is why I had to play really happy and supportive. But it was nothing more then an act. . . the happy that I was in was one of watching movies or reading a good book and just being there, and that isn't want she needed. OHh well it is okay I did what I had to do and it went good now I am just sort of bitter I guess that I had to play a fake happy. That is never a good thing for me even though I do it really well. I actally play happy a lot here. It sort of makes me anrgy. I guess I do it so that people can know that I am a good person. I just don't want them to see my weak spots. I am still unsecure about that, because I don't know if they will use me or not. I didn't even know I was doing this till about right now so that is odd to think inwardly. Hummm. . . . I guess I just have to shead these layers and see if they like me or not. I mean they have seen the best of me, why shouldn't they see the worst of me like you guys have. After all that would give me a better idea of who is and who isn't worth my time. This one girl Molly took me to a ballet and that is what brought me out of my funk earlier this week and such. She is such a good person. I think everysingle one of you would get along with her. I really do like her lots. She is more then likely the first real friend that I have here. *sigh* now I have to go to class and do sudokus that way I can stay entertained and not fall asleep in my math class. I am happy now just to let you know. .. . I had to get it off my chest and be okay with it. .. . and it is amazing how talking it every healthy. I just hope this next week goes well. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. . .. love babe. . . . thank you.